Sibling Bonds

A very interesting article about the different types of sibling bonds.

"Bank and Kahn in The Sibling Bond describe three kinds of sibling relationship:

1. extreme loyalty
2. rivalry
3. solidarity

Extreme loyalty involves putting a sibling first even above loyalty to spouse and children—and a willingness to make enormous sacrifices. Examples include taking a brother into one’s home indefinitely or acting as a parent to a sister.

Such intense attachments usually develop in childhood when there is a collapse of the family, with the parents physically or psychologically unavailable. In an attempt to create a more stable environment, the children cling to each other. Excessive dependence on brothers or sisters could hinder development of individual identities or relationships with other people in adulthood.

Sibling rivalry begun in childhood may last into adulthood. Where sibling rivalry has been dominant, a person may become obsessed with comparing achievements or failures throughout life with the rivaled brother or sister.

Sibling solidarity, a sense of cohesiveness and emotional closeness with brothers and or sister, increases with age for many people. As older people observe the aging and deaths of their parents and siblings, their sense of belonging may be threatened. They strengthen ties with remaining family members to preserve their sense of belonging to the family system of their childhood, including their brothers and sisters. Persons who maintain the closest relationships with their siblings tend to be those who have never married.

Solidarity may not develop if there were no significant interaction early in life with siblings. Lack of closeness because of significant age differences between children in a family or an unresolved conflict are examples of this.

Sibling bonds that have been distant or negative for years will often further weaken or disintegrate entirely following the death of the last parent. Crisis does bring many siblings closer together. For some, a parent’s illness or family crisis may be the first time one really learns to appreciate a brother or sister."

Source - http://fcs.tamu.edu/families/aging/elder_care/brothers_sisters_aging_parents.php